Thursday, March 08, 2007


I sit here on this very warm, very starry night thinking of all that has happened since my last trip here. It was about 3 months ago that I sat in this very same spot and realized that my heart was being broken. No, not just broken, shattered into as many pieces as there are stars in this sky tonight.

To this day I do not want to believe it. I think of what I am missing- even though many would argue that I am missing nothing of importance. My heart still breaks for that love, that friendship, that passion. Is his heart broken too? Yes, but not by me. By another. What goes around comes around, maybe? Karma, maybe? Does he deserve to be heart-broken? No. Yet I know he is. And for that I am still sorry.

And, I am still sorry that he chose to break my heart. I, too, did not deserve it. I would have understood had it been done differently. But, alas, it wasn't. And this is what I need to accept. This will take a lifetime.

It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time.



Mother of Invention said...

You are so will take a lifetime and even after perhaps..but that's not to say you won't ever find a true love. You are still young and I think it is possible, no, probable that you will find another.

Anonymous said...

Hi Gewels, girlfriend

This was such a personal and brave post....exposing your heart like this. And yes, we all have had our hearts broken. Sometimes it is a sharp shatter - like breaking china or crystal on a tile floor. Other times the break comes bit by bit - an eroding away of soul and spirit...

This is what I have been experiencing and as a result, have decided to end the erosion. I do not wish him ill will....he will find another who will love him better I think - or at least with less drama and more compatibility. And sadly enough, we both will learn through the ending, lessons that the loving could never seem to teach us: respect, partnership, individuality.

I feel for your shattered heart. Pick up those sacred pieces. Sew a velvet pouch for them with a silk corded drawstring. Place it around your neck so that it nestles between your breasts. One day, your love will discover this tucked away treasure.....and you will discover that the pieces have knit themselves back together again...cracked? yes, maybe.....but whole.

red dirt girl

steve said...

gewels.. pretty name...I see your comment on my site and I come here and it looks to me like you have had a lot on your plate. I won't try to tell how long it takes things to get better but I will suggest to you that hearts are tough... they mostly bend...thats hard enough.
Sometimes it just takes a while to get over what you just got through.

Linds said...

Hello dear, dear Friend.

I know it's not always easy to write of these deep, hidden feelings. But I must tell you: there is so much hope and promise inbetween the lines of this post.

I am so hopeful for you. And excited. And confident that you'll emerge from the wreckage even more beautiful than when you entered.

Have hope for yourself, too. It gives you strength. No... it won't always completely sustain you... but when you're feeling low, please know that you are not alone. I, too, am working on piecing my broken heart back together.

There is strength and power in groups... in unity. We are not alone, Gewels.

Thinking of you and sending big, big hugs out into the night sky.

~ Linds

GEWELS said...

You guys are THE BEST.
Thank you!!

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